You know when you tell your parents an unrealistic dream or fear of yours and then relax about it when they tell you it can't happen?
Well, sometimes, parents can be oh-so-wrong.
When I was a young five year old Kurt Hummel, my mother wanted another baby. It's something I never ever tell anyone, but yes, it happened. I remember her talking to my father, Burt Hummel, about the possibility as I worked on my easy-as-heck kindergarten homework at the dinner table. The conversation immediately caught my attention.
"C'mon, Burt, Kurt's almost six. I think it'd be nice to have another little cutie running around the house."
"Do you not remember the sleepless nights we had with him?"
"Kurt is not going to be the same as a brother or sister of his. He's special."
"He'll hate it if we have another baby."
My mom and dad looked at me curiously as I stood between them. I folded my arms and slanted my hips like the little fierce kid I was.
"What baby? I thought I was your baby."
My mom smiled brightly, kneeling down so that she was my height. "Sweetie, you are our little baby boy. But wouldn't you like it if another baby was around?"
I shrugged. "Would it mess up my clothes?"
"Probably," Dad said with a smirk, the grinning winner he always was, "if it throws up on you."
My jaw dropped to the floor, and if I'm correct, I clutched my sweater that was in my hand and sped up to my room on the top floor with the smallest high pitched scream even I've ever heard. I was only in my room two minutes before a knock came to my door.
"Do you have a throwing up baby with you?"
"No," my mom chuckled through the door, "I do not."
She came in with such a maternal grace that only now I can fully realize she had in her. Her blue eyes never left my face as she sat on my bed in front of me and took grasp of my small hands.
"Can guys have babies?"
Now when I think about it, that was probably the dumbest question ever, but right then, I was dead serious. My mom smiled and ruffled up my hair. She's literally the only other person ever that I allow to do that.
"No sweetie. Boys don't have the......parts to have a baby."
I raised my eyebrow. "Parts?"
My mom sighed. Now, I can understand what she went through.
"How can I put this.....ah ha! Cars!"
"Yes," she said with a big smile, "it's just like cars. Monster trucks can do huge jumps and smash giant cars. Now, do you ever see those punch buggy type cars doing that?"
I smiled. "Nope."
"Then you see my point. Girls are the monster trucks while guys are the punch buggy cars when it comes to babies. Now," she continued, pulling me close, "we need to talk about the baby idea."
My mom snorted and wrapped her arm around my shoulders. "I think you'd love a baby brother or sister. Wouldn't you like to be able to give a little sister fashion advice? Or help a brother build a car with you and your father?"
"Cars are our thing," I snapped, "and no baby is going to take that from me."
"You are so special, baby, but you need to welcome in new things."
"But......I like how things are."
My mom kissed my head. "I do, too. I think they won't be bad though if another baby came into the picture."
"Do you not love me?"
"What? Why would you think something like that?"
"You want another baby."
"I love you, though."
Back then at that moment, I didn't really think what she said was interesting or relevant at all. Little did I know, it would help me through one of the most toughest decisions ever.
"Kurt...when I found out I was going to have you, I was so excited. I just had a feeling that you were going to be an awesome kid, and you are. I remember when I first got to hold you in my arms. You were so sweet.......I always knew that from then on, you and me and your father were always going to have a bond like no other. I knew I'd never be able to live without you and that I could never imagine not having you with me. I love you, sweetie, and I promise you that no baby will ever come between our little bond no matter what. Understand, Kurt?"
I nodded and hugged my mom tight. She gave the best hugs.
Just a few years after that, she was gone. She never did have another kid for reasons unknown to me.
Now, about twelve years later, I'm sitting in my bathroom on the toilet with my head in my hands waiting on a dang stick on the counter next to me while my beautiful boyfriend is waiting outside anxiously for an answer to the big question.
Was I pregnant?
Now, I know it's weird, but after doing my studies I've found it's possible, and considering I've been throwing up lately, I wouldn't be surprised if I was.
The little timer I had next to that annoying stick was gladly ticking away as it showed just one more minute left to wait. I sighed and ran my hand through my hair. What if I really was pregnant? What would I do? How would I tell Dad? Carole? Finn? New Directions?
What would happen if they disapproved? Was I to just go on and take care of the baby myself? What if Blaine didn't want the baby? Would I be forced to give it up? Was that the right option?
Am I too young?
I could feel myself jump as the timer went off, and somewhere inside me, I could tell Blaine did just about the same. Taking a deep breath and closing my eyes tight, my shaky hand reached over to the counter and picked up the test. Then, as fast as I could, I flung open my eyes and gazed at the test in front of me.
"I'm....pregnant?" I whispered to myself in shock. The test had a little plus sign on it that was perfectly there. It wasn't no trick. It wasn't wrong.
It was true.
Slowly, I got up from the toilet and walked on over to the door, letting my hand reach out and ghost over the handle sheepishly.
When my foot was to cross the door, I would be forced to tell Blaine all about the baby.
I took a deep breath and just went for it. Opening the door, I came almost face-to-face with Blaine, his eyes going wide for a moment in surprise.
"So," he began, waving his hand to look for the right words. So dang adorable. "Is it a yes or no?"
I gulped. "Yes."
Blaine's jaw fell to the floor for a second, and I could just feel the waterworks lurking. If his reaction was bad....
"You....you're going to have a baby?"
I nodded. "I'm not going to have a T-Rex if that's what you think it is."
"Just go ahead and say it, Blaine!"
Blaine stared at me curiously with that little scrunched up face of his. "Say what, Kurt?"
"That you want to leave me or want me to give the baby up!"
"Why....why would I.....Kurt, you know me, right?"
Again, I nodded, this time feeling tears fall down my cheeks in the process.
"You know how much I love you, right?"
"Yeah," I hoarsely choked out, a sob hitting me hard, "I do."
"You know that I'd never hurt you or another person intentionally, right?"
"Then why the heck do you think I'd leave you or make you give up the baby?"
Shrugging, I wiped my eyes in attempt to not look like some sappy helpless kid. I'm Kurt Hummel, dammit, and crying in front of boyfriends is not right!
"I don't know, Blaine, maybe because I'm a guy and I have a freakin alien inside me?"
Blaine walked up to me and wrapped his arms around my neck, pulling me closer to him. "Hey, hey....that child is lucky that it's inside you, okay? But.....all comforting aside.......do you yourself want to keep the baby, Kurt?"
I shrugged and sniffled a bit. A baby possibly could be the worst thing for me. High school wasn't exactly nice to Quinn when she got pregnant. Plus, she wasn't gay and a guy. I would be doomed. The baby could be expensive, too. I have no money. I don't have the time for a baby.
Suddenly, my mom's words hit me.
"Kurt...when I found out I was going to have you, I was so excited. I just had a feeling that you were going to be an awesome kid, and you are. I remember when I first got to hold you in my arms. You were so sweet.......I always knew that from then on, you and me and your father were always going to have a bond like no other. I knew I'd never be able to live without you and that I could never imagine not having you with me."My decision instantaneously became clear.
The baby was here to stay.
"Yes, I'm keeping it.......but-"
"But what?" Blaine asked, concerned. I hated when he was on edge. I shifted uncomfortably and looked into his big brown eyes honestly.
"What if we don't have enough money?"
"I'll get a job if I have to."
"What if something goes wrong?"
"I'll make sure it won't happen."
"What if the baby gets hurt or dies because I'm a guy and not a girl?"
"I won't let that happen."
"What if it does?"
"I won't let it-"
"But what if-"
Suddenly, Blaine leans forward and kisses me softly with his baby-smooth lips, and man, does he just taste amazing. His lips taste like the coffee he had gotten from Carole this morning-thank goodness I opted out and chose water-and I faintly can taste a cookie we shared at the coffee shop for breakfast this morning before school. His surprisingly strong hands are gripping at my waist and his body is pressed flush up against mine. I moan a bit into his mouth, but right when I do, he pulls back away from me just so then our mouths are separated, and I pout a bit out of instinct. Blaine finds it amusing.
"Kurt," he says in a voice I'm almost one hundred percent sure nobody but me has ever heard, "I promise you that this will all be okay. I promise you that this baby will be the most beautiful of things to ever grace this planet. I promise you that I'll help you raise this baby no matter what the cost. Most importantly, I promise to always care for you no matter what."
"I love you."
Okay, so yes, we did kind of have sex before getting out the big 'I love you', but it wasn't like we did it just for the sex. We knew we loved each other. We just didn't have the courage to say it.
"I love you, too," Blaine replied with a huge smile, "and I love that little baby of ours in your stomach just as much."
I blushed as strong arms once again brought us into another more passionate kiss.
Maybe being pregnant wasn't going to be so bad now that I had Blaine and his promises to keep me strong.
Maybe everything was going to turn out okay.
As I, Blaine Anderson, sit down in a comfy chair in the hospital while my lover Kurt sleeps soundly feet away, I can't help but remember the story Kurt told me about his mother and him talking about babies. She thought it wasn't possible, boys having babies, but if only she could see her son right now.
Her son. My love.
My future husband.
I look down at the little bundle below me and can't help but smile. The little seven pound four ounce baby girl looks up at me with huge gray blue eyes and stirs a bit. She watches as I stare intently down at her and point out what traits she got from Kurt and what she got from me. Her eyes of course are Kurt's, thank goodness. She has Kurt's hair color but my curls, if the little swirls in her very short wisps of hair are any indication. She has Kurt's nose but my mouth. Her skin was right in between mine and Kurt's, a perfect shade. Not too pale and not too dark.
Suddenly, she begins to fuss, and I realize I have no clue what to do about it.
I glance over at Kurt, the beautiful sleeping figure who I really shouldn't wake, and take in a sharp breath of frustration.
Finally, I decide to take my small fussing baby outside of the room for a walk.
The doctors said I could walk around with her, but not for very long distances and only in quite, dim lit rooms. Naturally, the first place I went was to the small dim lit waiting room for the maternity level. I smile as I pass a few nurses down the hall who go all heart-eyed when they see the bundle in my arms knowing how jealous she already was making people.
Just four hours old and already she was turning heads.
Finally, I reach the waiting room and see a few mothers with their own babies sitting down in the room either feeding or gazing up at the small TV screen given there. Some of them look at me like I'm crazy, but most of them grin hospitably to me. It didn't seem like men came to the waiting room often.
The second I sit down on a chair in the room, my little girl begins to fuss again. I try to quietly shush her and rock her a bit like I remember seeing women do in movies, but it becomes futile. She lets out a loud whine followed by a few cries that turned a few heads. Giving up on shushing and rocking, I began to sing quietly a certain song I can remember my mother singing to me when I went to sleep.
"Hush little baby don't say a word.
Momma's gonna' buy you a mocking bird.
If that mocking bird won't sing
Momma's gonna' buy you a diamond ring.
If that diamond ring turns brass
Momma's gonna' buy you a looking glass."
I look down to see that she's stopped crying, but much to my luck, she still was fussing.
"If that looking glass gets broke
Momma's gonna' buy you a billy goat.
If that billy goat won't pull
Momma's gonna' buy you a cart and bull.
If that cart and bull turn over
Momma's gonna' buy you a dog named Rover."
I laugh to myself after that line. Yeah, Kurt would buy a dog with a name other than Gaga or something? Right.
"If that dog named Rover won't bark
Momma's gonna' buy you a horse and cart.
If that horse and cart fall down,
you'll still be the sweetest...girl in town.
So hush little baby, don't you cry'
Daddy loves you and so do I."
As I finished singing, my bundle was now silent, eyes closed, face looking peaceful as ever. Looking around, a lot of the women are looking at me with these cheesy grins that frankly make me feel uneasy. I frown and look over to the one lady next to me. Her little bundle is a small boy with dark green eyes and dark blond hair that reminds me of Sam's when he has it wet from the showers or a pool. She looks down at my new daughter and quietly chuckles to herself. I couldn't help but wonder why.
"What's so funny?" I asked lightly. The lady looks at me and then gazes down at her little boy.
"I was going to comment on how nice your singing is until I saw your little baby. She looks so much like you."
"Well-" I suddenly stop myself before I can finish my sentence. I want to say how she really looks more like Kurt, but I could only imagine what would happen if that were to occur. Instead, I smile at her and nod in silent thanks.
"What's her name?"
I swallow hard. Kurt wasn't supposed to give birth for another week or two, so we really didn't have a name picked. Kurt being Kurt, he asked the nurse if we could wait to give her a name until it came to us, and she of course granted his wish. My little girl currently is nameless.
"We, uh....we haven't decided yet," I say sheepishly. The lady nods.
"My husband and I went through the same thing with our first baby. It took us a week to finally choose a name for him."
I feel my stomach flop a bit. A whole week...
"How old is she?"
"About four hours."
The lady snorted. "I'm sure your wife is probably exhausted."
"How old are you?"
I blush deeply in embarrassment. I hate this question so much. "Seventeen."
The lady bites her lip. "I should rephrase that last question, right?"
I just nod. She won't get it correct, anyway. Suddenly, my cell is vibrating in my pocket. Shifting my daughter's weight, I take out my cell and open it.
"Hello?" I ask at a whisper. The voice on the other line brings a smirk to my face.
"Just where have you taken my daughter, Blaine Anderson?"
I chuckle quietly. "To the waiting room. Your daughter is very...er, fussy when you are asleep."
"I'm going to be fussy if you don't bring my baby back up to me, Blaine."
"I'll be up in a sec. Love you."
"Love you more."
Hanging up, the lady's face is a little less awkward than before. I stare at my daughter, unable to strike up a conversation at the moment.
"I guess I'll see you two and your wife around I guess, right?"
I smile in agreement and carefully get up, somehow managing to not even stir the little girl in my arms. As I walk away, she does begin to fuss, but I just hold her close and hum along to the music softly playing in the halls. Soon, she's dead asleep.
What a kid.
I walk into Kurt's room and smile as his cool blue eyes stare back at me so innocently.
"Hey," I say smoothly as I somehow shut the door behind me, "what your baby?"
Kurt laughs and nods, his arms outstretched to take her. Siting down on his bed, I hand her over and watch as Kurt's eyes slowly fill with tears of what I expect is joy.
"She's beautiful," he whispers. "She has the prettiest face."
"She deserves a good name."
Kurt nods and gently begins to trace a finger along the side of her cheek. He bites his lip as if he's in deep thought. He's so adorable.
"I think I have an idea," he says still in his thought. "In my old middle school, we had to do this project where we had to find a name that was a reflection of how we though of our self. I....I looked into the name Jewel, believe it or not."
"Please tell me it wasn't because of the singer."
Kurt blushes and lets a quiet laugh escape. "No, no. I chose it because that's something I heard my mom call me one time. I was her little jewel, I guess. Anyway, when looking into the name, I read that it means basically rare or unlike no other. Special, if you will. At the time, it applied to me so much it wasn't even funny. But.....I think that it applies much more to our little girl than me at the moment. She's unlike no baby I've ever seen, at least. So...if you like it-"
"I love it," I cut off because, really, I did. Jewel sounded perfect considering how rare she was. She went against all the odds and come out perfect. She looked more beautiful than any baby at least Kurt and I ever have seen.
The name fit amazingly.
"I couldn't think of a better name, to be honest. What should her middle name be?"
Kurt smiles. "I've always liked the name Marie. My aunt had a pretty dog named Marie."
"You want to name our daughter after a dog?"
I can't help but burst into uncontrollable laughter at Kurt's dear-eyed expression, and almost immediately, I can see him thinking frantically about an explanation for that. It's hilarious.
"I understand," I say as I look down at little Jewel Marie, "I was just messing with ya'. I love you, Kurt."
"Love you too, Blaine."
Now, we kiss like the end of any story as if we were in some fairytale on Disney. It may sound cheesy, but hey.
When you have a little baby girl and the best husband ever, cheesy is good.
Good enough for our little family, anyway.